Our Inner Desires
by UnderneathTheStars183
Summary: When Doctor Turner decides to visit Sister Bernadette at the Sanatorium, they finally get the chance to tell each other how they feel. Follow on from series 2 episode 7. In the preview for episode 8 there are some things which I haven't included in mine, but I hope you like it anyway. Just a little love story between my two favourite characters! Enjoy and review if you've got time!


_It hurt. It hurt so, so badly. So badly that she could not bear it, she could not take another day of being trapped in a life she felt she had no place in, didn't deserve to be in. She wanted him and needed him so greatly that every waking moment was dedicated to the thought of him. She rarely managed to busy herself enough to forget, but even when she did, she remembered but moments later and her heart felt as if it would stop with longing for him._

Sister Bernadette sat alone in the living room of the Sanatorium staring out of the window at the lush garden beyond. Since she had been admitted she had had an infinite amount of time to reflect and to pray; she thought if she prayed enough that God might contemplate forgiving her. She knew she had said in all confidence to Sister Julienne earlier that day that she felt God had chosen her a different path, opened another door, but what if she was wrong? What if this was merely a test of strength, a test of temptation that she could not possibly resist? Sometimes when she was lying alone at night in the stark Sanatorium room, even she was embarrassed at the things she wanted to do to Doctor Turner, what she wanted to say to him and she cringed at the thought that the Lord could see this.

As she sat alone, she felt for the letter and smiled as she remembered what she had read in it last night. She could not resist the temptation anymore and had given herself up to the guilty pleasure of reading it. Page after page there was of his writing, showing kindness, compassion and conveying a love interwoven within the text. She never knew that love could portray itself so innocently and so quietly, but that was exactly what the letter had done when she read it and she smiled to remember how she had eagerly reached for page after page, willing it to go on forever.

She turned it over so she could see her name written in his hand and closed her eyes. What had he been thinking when he had written it? Did he dream of kissing her and enveloping her in his presence forever. She hoped so, as this, beyond all things, was what she wanted. She closed her eyes and remembered how it felt for him to touch her; when he kissed her hand and when he examined her for her oncoming illness. It had been the first time she had been touched by a man in such a way. Even though she knew it was a routine doctor's examination, there was something more, a passionate love that had been so gently conveyed as he pushed away her gown to reveal her chest and the slight hint of her breasts beneath. She was sure he would have heard her quickening heartbeat, but as hard as she tried she was not able to suppress it and it was hard to retain her composed sense of dignity and expression with his face so close to hers.

Sister Bernadette heard footsteps and quickly opened her eyes to find the nurse bustling into the living room. She did not know if she was relieved or upset that the nurse had drawn her from her passionately tormenting thoughts, but was glad nonetheless to see that normal life continued outside the anguish of her own head.

"There's a visitor to see you Sister. I did tell them that it was outside visiting hours but they insisted on seeing you. It seems very important, but if you're not feeling up to it I shall tell them that they could return tomorrow?" said the nurse in a rather abrupt but caring manner. She had been Sister Bernadette's nurse for three months and she had come to care deeply for her and was pained by the torment that she could see in the young nun's eyes and actions.

"No, no, I'd be glad of any company. It's very kind of them to come here at all and the least I can do is to embrace their compassion" replied Sister Bernadette.

"Very well. You just stay there and I will be back in a moment" said the nurse as she walked out of the room. Sister Bernadette didn't know if it was her mind playing tricks on her, but she thought she saw a glimmer of a smile on the nurse's face as she left the room.

_A visitor_. The words that she had come to be so used to, so joyful of. She nodded as the nurse left, hoping beyond all hope that she could just loose herself in the gossip of Nonnatus that Trixie would bring, or the wisdom of one of the Sisters.

A few minutes later, Sister Bernadette could hear footsteps down the corridor and she smoothed down her gown in preparation. After a few steps she could hear that one of the pairs of footsteps had stopped and there was just one person making their way down the corridor to greet her. She leaned slightly forward in her chair, expectantly, waiting for the figure appear around the door. The footsteps stopped and a face appeared at the door.

A wonderful face. A kind, gentle, handsome face. _His _face. It was him.

The months of longing she had endured all melted away the moment she set eyes upon his face, and she rose out of her chair, trembling.

"Dr Turner… I…" she managed to stammer, words completely failing her as she was enveloped in his presence.

He walked towards her until they were just a few inches from each other.

"Shhh, don't speak" he said softly, "I've come here with something very, very important to say, and if I don't say it right now, I fear I never will".

He grasped her hand in his and prepared himself for what he was going to say,

"Sister Bernadette. Every moment of my life since I met you has been filled with a mixture of joy and heartache. The happiness and love I feel when I am near you are indescribable, but the fact that I can't have you is devastating and I don't know how much more I can take. I know your life is committed to God, but I cannot believe in a god who would deny two people the love that they so desire. And so, if you're willing, I will adore you and care for you forever, because Sister Bernadette… I love you".

She was still trembling, clenching his hand for support, but managed to say very unfalteringly, "And I love you too".

The moment these words had passed her lips, the Doctor did not give her anymore time to say anything else and instead leaned forward and kissed her. It was the most wonderful kiss he had ever had as not only was it filled with love, but care, kindness and most of all a deep unwavering passion. He kissed her gently at first, but as he felt her soft lips kiss him back, he kissed her harder, pouring all the feelings he had for her into her.

This was the first kiss that the young nun had ever had, but as she and Doctor Turner's lips parted and she collapsed into his embrace, she knew that there was nothing more fulfilling in the world than loving him.


End file.
